IDENTITIES

Plays and poems
By Ricky Mastro
Revised by Hi-D Green

Identities was first performed at the University of Washington Seattle
in May of 2000.

Identity - pl. ties [LLAT. Identitas< Lat. Idem, the same < id, it]
1. The collective aspect of the characteristics by which a thing is distinctly recognizable or known.
2. The set of behavioral or personal characteristics by which an individual is recognizable as a member or a group.
3. The quality or condition of being the same or something else.
4. The distinct personality of an individual regarded as a continuing entity: INDIVIDUALITY. (From English language- dictionaries. Webster's II, 1995).

I. Poem: NEST - Performed by Ricky Mastro

II. Play: AMERICO - Performed by Chris Trice Directed by Shannon Colbert

III. Poem: ONE NIGHT STAND - Performed by Ricky Mastro

IV. Play: PECKER - Performed by Ross Coldwell Directed by Ray Tagliavilla

V. Poem: DREAMS CLOSE TO REALITY - Performed by Ricky Mastro

VI. Play: JASON - Performed by Jeremy Miller Directed by Ross Coldwell

VII. Poem: INTO THE WOODS - Performed by Ricky Mastro

VIII. Play: DR. TOM BOSH - Performed by Ray Tagliavilla Directed by Jeremy Miller

To Tina and Michelle
Who taught me that I was
A human being trapped in
My male body.

Nest

Here, I'm inside my nest
Waiting for my bird...
I hope my bird comes soon
So, I won't starve anymore.
A bunch of birds have come by...
Sometimes they look at me
But they never stop by.
I was cursed when I was born
So, I can't call any of them
When they pass by...
As Zeus promissed me
I shouldn't give it up
Cuz one day my bird will show up.

 

Americo

(LA, Summer of 1999. Americo is half naked. His hairy chest is covered with a bra, and he is wearing a pair of Tommy Hilfiger boxers. The boxers are red, white, and blue. He is wearing some make-up. Americo is in a green room of a small theatre in LA. There is a little ventilator by his mirror. The audience is able to hear the actors delivering the lines on stage, I mean; the sound comes from backstage [the audience point of view]. The lines are from the scene Calvino de Klein and Mexican-Americans from Latinos Anonymous. He has a big pink poster that says, "Latinos Anonymous. A brand new Queer version." Also, he has a poster of Ricky Martin in his late teens, a poster of Leonardo di Caprio and a poster of Xuxa in the late 80's. He is listening to "Living la Vida loca" by Ricky Martin. The song will be playing over and over throughout the entire scene. He dances)

Stage Manager (yelling from backstage): Five minutes!
Americo: Shit! I ain't even done with my fuckin' make-up yet! I hate this theatre! I fuckin' hate this play. (Stares at himself at the mirror) How? How did I end up with this fuckin' role? I guess, I ain't got a lot of choices. You know what I am sayin? Queer versions of Latin Anonymous. I ain't a queer, not even Latino. Well, I mean (sound of the actors on stage gets louder, and so does the music. The audience can barely hear Americo, he whispers) I don't know. Okay... I'll tell you. I was born in Guiana, you know. (looks at Leo's poster) I bet you don't know where the fuck Guiana is, hum? Stupido! Stupid fuckin' gringo!!! Guiana that little tiny country north of Brazil. Brazil? You don't know where Brazil is??? Never mind, never mind. Anyways, I was born there. My family was really poor, and I ended up being adopted by a American Jewish family when I was four. Yeah, it was so fucking hard for me leaving home. I still remember my mama saying goodbye.(talking to Leo) Shut up! You don't know anything! Anything at all. okay, I kinda remember mama. Anyways, I get here in America, my mom didn't want to send me to school cuz she said I was way to tan. I still remember my oldest brother calling me Peanut Butter. I need to be honest with you that I kinda like it in the beginning, but everything changed when I actually saw Peanut Butter. Actually, I just ate peanut butter when I was in First grade. My mom just bought Kosher food all the freakin' time, and it was really hard to find Kosher Peanut Butter. That was the moment that I realized that I was brown. You know what I am sayin'? I mean, my American brother was blonde, so were mom and dad.. And, I thought that I was white too. (look at Leo) Shut up! I swear I thought that I was white. kinda chocolate milk. You know what I am saying? Anyways, where was I?

(starting put some make-up on)

Dude, I still remember that very first time I went to the synagogue. I was sitting by the last bench when this woman tells my bro that she was really proud of him for bringing his "Negro" friends to see a Jewish ceremony. "Negro, your fucking mama!" I said to that bitch. "I am half black and half English, you got dat bitch?!," and "I am as much a Jew, as you fuckin' are... I am proud to be a Jew! Did you get that? Or do you wanna me spell that for you?" That was so fucked up. I got so mad, I got home and cried all night long. Mom came to my room and told me to not get upset over that kinda stuff. I was as much white as she was. Yo, you know, my mom was so dumb in a way. I mean, I do love her, but I can say, she is a cute dumb lady. Anyways, I tried to live my life normally till I was out of high school. I was in the closet, and I was happy about that. No one bothered me. No one spoke to me. (looks at Ricky's picture) What are you staring at? You Puerto Rican faggot! Yes, I was in the closet. I meant to say that nobody knew that I was a Black Latino from Guiana, and I was proud of that. Of course, my mom wanted me to get married, so she couldn't wait to see her grandkids running around the house. but, I don't know mom. Xuxa is the only girl in my life.

Shut up, Ricky!

Stage Manager: (off stage) Three minutes

Americo: Thanks! (looks himself at the mirror) Anyways, as I was telling you. life wasn't that bad till I got in college. I was a sophomore in college when I decided to take a Chicano class. I was kinda Chicano by then. I mean, I was really involved in student government in high school, and I yes, I was the president of the Chicanos Unidos in my school.. I mean I was really involved in leadership. (Song gets louder and louder) and I didn't fucking care for all the cute chicos that were in the club. Do you hear that Ricky? Of course, Armando and I got a little bit too close. but, who wouldn't? Armando was a really nice guy, and he needed some help in his life. Anyways, I took this class, and every day we would just talk about Mexico. and, I would be so pissed off in class that I would say: "How about Brazil? Argentina? Fucking Suriname?" People in that fucking class hated me. but, it was all good. I just wanted to show to all Americans that Latin America was much more than Mexicans. No, no, no (look at Selena's picture by the mirror) No, for God's sake, Selena! I love my hermanos mexicanos. I was just a little bit too dramatic. I mean, it was just Mexico, Mexico, Mexico. and, you know, Selena how much I love you and your work. and, I do too want to work at Telemundo in Mexico City, but my last agent told me once I was way to brown to work in Latino TV. "What the fuck? I wanna work in soap operas. I wanna be a big star." Remember Chapolin Colorado? That was my favorite show growing up. Anyways, I was kicked out my Chicano class cuz I didn't agree with anything that it was said there. My advisor at school told me to try African American Studies. "Maybe you will be able to find your roots, you know?" So, I tried. I mean, I got there on the first day of class, and all the students stared at me with the look 'what the fuck is he doing here?' We started class, and the teacher, Miss Brown, asked me why I fuckin' decided to take that class. I know that I shouldn't have, but I did it anyways. I told her that I was Black, and that I wanted to learn more and more about my culture. The bitch behind me said "You ain't black. Yo, you are brown. Peanut Butter. L-A-T-I-N-O." I was so pissed off that I just left the room. I dropped that class, and I got into acting. In the beginning, it was kinda cool cuz I could play Latino and/or Black. but, after a while, I was tired of playing the servant, the gardener, and da drug dealer. I told my drama teacher that I wanted to play the hero in the play. Yo, I so regretted that. He gave me this huge lecture saying that if I was serious about becoming an actor, I had to learn how to play the small parts first, and maybe one day, maybe, I could play the hero. He told me that there were awesome jobs for Hispanic people down in the south, "Telemundo," he said. I told him that I ain't Hispanic, I'm from Guiana, you know? Guiana, the British one, you fucker!

So, I dropped school, and I came to this theatre. The director revised the play Latinos Anonymous in a queer point of view. My agent told me it will be good for me. I mean, I haven't gotten a lot of jobs lately, huh Ricky? I know, sometimes I just wish that I could be living la vida loca with, I mean, you know, like you, Ricky.. Anyways, why did I starting all this B.S.ing? Okay. I remember, I was just wondering how in the hell I got here.. Well, I mean cuz. cuz... because. (applause from the audience, lines on stage and song gets louder and louder, Americo look at Ricky and tears off the poster from the wall. He turns down the music, and proudly say) because I am proud to be a fucking Latino-Jewish-African-American queer.

Stage-Manager: (off stage) Americo, places!
(Americo turns up his radio, and starts to dance. Black out)

 

 

Bibliography

Latin Anonymous by Latin Anonymous. Arte Publico Press, 1996

Drink Cultura, Chicanismo by Jose Antonio Burciaga. Capra Press Santa Barbara, 1993

 

One Night Stand

Clear cold winter night.
Pecker goes out looking for
Love, Sex, and Lust.
Pecker finds himself in this aisle
Full of people and cheap color lights.
No one wants Pecker.
No one loves Pecker.
Finally, someone comes around and
Flirts with him.
Magic is created,
Vulgar love is made.
Someone leaves.
Pecker stays.
Lonely - once again.

Pecker

(Pecker comes on stage wearing a towel. His hair is wet, and the audience has the impression that he just got out of the shower. The scene takes place in Pecker's bedroom. It's an imaginary bedroom, and the only thing that tells the audience that it is Pecker's bedroom, is a bed on stage. Pecker begins talking with an imaginary reporter.)

Pecker: Hi! I am sorry, I totally forgot about our interview. I was just getting ready for work. (He sits on the bed and removes the towel. Pecker is in his boxers. Pecker ALMOST a perfect body). Anyways, you called me last week, right? To be honest with you, I don't know why you wanna interview me. but, it's all good. So, what's the name of your magazine? No, not that I care and I will be going to the closest newstand to buy a bunch of the magazines. I don't believe in the press! Oops, I shouldn't say that!!! (laughs) No, I am just joking with you. breakin' the ice as my friends say.
Anyways, what's your first question? (stop and stares at the journalist) I know. it's hard, hum? You are right here in front of Pecker, and you don't know what to do! Been there, done that! (laughs) Just kidding, c'mon you are more nervous than I am. Okay, let's start. First just an FYI for you, no I am not gay! I am straight as a board, and to be a male prostitute, it is like a pecker for sale as I like to say, I only have sex with men for the money. I love pussies! Can I say that? (teasing) Pussy, pussy, pussy! Of course, I can. We aren't on TV. That was funny. really funny.Anyways, keep going.
Choices, you are asking me about choices. let me see. I didn't have any choices in my life. I had an abusive father, my mom was a drug addict and my uncle raped me when I was seven. Pretty tough life. got kicked out from my house when I was fifteen. too much dope. and boom. next thing I know, I am on the streets. I didn't like at all that street life. God, it totally sucked. SUCKED! Anyway, after a while, an old man came and offered me $50 for a blow, I thought, "what the fuck? It's just a pecker. a Pecker blowing a pecker" (laughs). so, I started to sell my body. Now, I am able to buy anything. I don't go to Ross anymore. I only wear Banana Republic. Can you see these boxers? Tommy Hilfiger. My clients love it, just love it. So, how does that sound? No choices and boom I became a male prostitute. do you believe me? Good, because that was a bunch of bullshit! Okay, what the fuck! I'll tell you my story. I came from a traditional family. mom and dad both working, doing you know.making their $50,000 a year. At school, no one cared for me. I was just like a pecker. you know? All the guys have one, all the girls want one. Anyways, nobody wanted me, and to be honest with you I didn't care a lot. I tried sports, and I wasn't good at them. I just didn't see why I would put myself in a position of being seriously injured just cuz of a stupid game. No, to be honest with you, it wasn't the game thing. It was my armpit hair problem. I am being serious, please don't laugh. Whatever! No, it's not funny, and you may not put that in the article. Thank you very much! My problem with sports WAS the armpit hair shit. Okay, I'll explain it to you: I started playing basketball when I was 15. The fuckin' coach always, always asked me to be on the skins team, you know? It totally sucked. I could see all that fuckin' hairy chests all over the place and here I was with no armpit hair whatsoever. I remember one day after practice telling my coach that it wasn't cool with me to play without a shirt on. No shit, I quit trying to score. Can you imagine me trying to score some points, knowing that the people were watching me and my lack of armpit hair? Anyways, my coach came up and said to me, "Well boy, I don't think that the fellows care. Stop being a sissy, and just play the game!" Well fuck, sir, but my masculinity is at in risk here! And, yes, it would be cool to have a big bush under my arms. Anyways, that was for sure my last attempt at playing sports. No kidding, I was kinda lost and I didn't know what to do. And, no way was I was going to do student government or band.
So, I went to talk to my counselor. I told him my story, and before I even finished, he said: "Pecker, why don't you try the theatre? You know they have a bunch of people like you there! You will feel welcomed!" And fuck that was a big mistake. Yes, you may put that down. The theatre people fucking hated me! I didn't know how to sing, I totally sucked at dancing. and acting what a joke! What's a good actor anyway? I just felt like the people in the drama department were just so fake! They talked so much about freedom, yet they were so repressing! Man, I couldn't stand it... Okay, I hope that you don't mind if I don't put my clothes on, do you? Not that I am not used to being naked in front of people (laughs). Anyways, where was I? Oh, the drama department. Shit, I was so tired of all that bullshit, you know? So, I dropped the fucking play that I was doing, and I went to work at McDonalds! That was fun. Man, I was hanging out with all these forty and fifty year old ladies whose only ambition in life was to make a perfect BigMac. Totally funny hum, not funny haha, if you know what I mean. It's sad, and I didn't want that kinda of life. So, there I was, a high school drop out flipping burgers all day long, smoking pot on the side and sucking my boss' pecker. just kidding! No, I didn't use any kind of drugs in my life, never. I swear, and I ain't joking about this one. Pecker doesn't like drugs! You should put that as the headline of my interview. "Pecker finally says no to drugs" The kids would love it! (laughs) Tragedy, what are you talking about? I haven't talked about tragedy. I don't know why you people from the press believe that I have to have a fuckin' tragic life to be a male prostitute? To be honest with you, no! I ain't got one! My life has been normal, you know. The only fuckin' problem is to find my place in society! What's the matter with you people? I hated school, I hate to work and the only fuckin' thing that gives me pleasure in life is to be an artist. And to be honest with you, I hate the artist community! They suck big time. Suck. What's the problem with them? All the little clicks inside. And, what are they calling a community? I am sorry, but for me it's non sense. Just fuckin' non sense. I am fuckin' sorry if I haven't been an artist since I was two fucking years old. Why can't you accept me??? Fuck me! Seriously, fuck me! You know the only way to express my art is through sex! Do I see any problem with this? Yes sir, I do. I do know that I am the loneliest person alive, and that I don't have any fuckin'one who truly cares about me, that's it! For me, it's better to suck an old guy's pecker and get $50 than to spend my life trying to get accepted in a community that doesn't accept me! (screaming) do you see that? Doesn't fucking accept me! (walks on stage) Okay, I am sorry. I am fuckin' sorry. I kinda went overboard. But, do you get my point? You don't? What the fuck, dude? No, you aren't happy with my answers. Sorry dude, but no I wasn't raped and no it wasn't fuckin' nice meeting you. And, please don't call me anymore. I did have choices, and for your information, I did CHOOSE to be a male prostitute, and I am proud to be one. (The music plays. Pecker sits on his bed as the loneliest man alive)

 

Dreams close to Reality

 

I looked at you,
And I just wanted to kiss you.
I felt my legs close to yours.
You turned and smiled at me.
I knew that I was getting your approval.
I turned my head
You turned yours.
We stared at each other for seconds.
I closed my eyes, and I was just ready.
To wake up and realize that
Everything was a dream.
I was with you last night,
But wasn't brave enough to do any moves.
You looked at me.
I looked at you.
A stranger sat by us, and we started an
Annoying random conversation.
Time went by, and nothing happened.
Nothing happened.

 

 

Jason

(Jason comes on stage in regular street clothes. Although, he is a prisoner, he must look like the guy next door. He carries a bible. On center stage there is an office desk and two chairs. In one of the chairs, the parole officer sits. The parole officer is made of cardboard. The audience can tell that he is a parole officer because there is a sign overhead that says: "Parole Officer." Jason sits in the other chair. Jason talks really calmly most of the time. From the audience's point of view, Jason is the guy next door who never hurt anyone)

 

Jason: Hello, there! Thanks. Wow. It has been a while. Five years? Now, I am a new person. A Born Again as I like to say. So, what's your first question? C'mon. No worries. I am ready! How long have I been here? Ten years, and yes, I do think that I have paid my debt to society. Yes, I have. You may write that down. Now, I am just ready to get out of here and start a new life. No, I won't rape anyone. I guarantee it. and, yes, indeed, I am guilty of that crime. Ten years wasn't easy but I think I am done here. I am Born Again. I couldn't hurt anyone. anyone. I finally found Jesus and all his love. Jesus loves me. Yes he does.
Okay. What? Come again. Oh! When did I get here? I got here ten years ago. I was twenty one at that time. wow, life just flew by, and. what? Oh, I get it. you want to know what happened before I got here. gotcha! I was going to college, you know? It was a tough time in my life. No, I wasn't a greek. I was just, you know the boy next door, and that was the only thing that pissed me off because I was just too ordinary, you know? Got to class everyday on time, did my homework. smoked some pot on the side. and, lived my little life. Actually, to be honest with you, I don't think I was living a life, you know? It was just like going through the motions. no one care. I didn't care. mom and dad were too involved with their lives, and my brothers, what can I say? Nah. I don't know. I was just tired. I felt like no one understood me, you know? It was like I didn't have anyone to talk to. I used to go home, and masturbate a lot. I would jerk off the whole day just to have the illusion that I had someone there. funny, hum? Anyway, I was lost, you know? Trapped in my own little life. Did I have any friends? What kind of question is that? Of course I did. I had my friend Dan who was always around and my girlfriend. She was so beautiful. Little tinny body. I still remember when I first met her. It was in the library. She was so cute. FOB, you know, fresh off the boat, trying to figure out the world around her, you know... She could barely speak English, and that REALLY turned me on. I LUV Asian women. They are just so fragile... Anyway, we started being friends, and two days later we began fornicating. I know, sir. That was fast, really fast. And I know fornication is Wrong! Really wrong! I don't know. I think that I had too much cum on me, you know? No, what do you mean you don't understand? I get it, I was talking about the cum in my brain you know. I heard that if you are young, and you don't have a lot of sex, cum goes from your balls and screws up your brain, you know. At least that's what Dan used to tell me. I know, I know, sir. No more fornication for Jason. Jason doesn't deserve it. This is so interesting. Life is like a dinner table routine, you know. God is the mom, and we are the kids. If we don't behave, we don't get dessert, and I know I haven't behaved but, wow! I do miss having some dessert in my life, if you know what I mean. Anyway, where was I? Okay, I remember. I was talking about Golden Showers. yes, no. what are you talking about? No, I never performed any golden showers on her. Her name was Golden Showers. I was tired of calling her Him Hun and I just started calling her Golden Showers. In the beginning, it was like my own private joke, and she thought the name was so cute. She liked it! At least I think she did because she never complained about it. (imitating her accent) Him Hung way too complicated. Golden Showers much better. So, it was great. I moved out to her place, we would have sex everyday and life was just perfect, you know. I was okay with that. I knew that I wasn't born to be anyone special, and I was okay with that..

Anyway, like I said, life was perfect, just perfect. school, work, home, sex, you know. a man's life is just like what my dad used to say. everything was perfect till I went to that party. Golden Showers had to go home to see her relatives and I was at home alone. I was bored. jerking off. Anyway, I was entertaining myself playing five against one when Dan came over. He came to invite me to this crazy party where everyone goes crazy, gets drunk, and has lots of sex. and I thought why not? I was bored, and a little bit of extra sex on the side wouldn't hurt me. When I got to that party I was so drunk, I could barely walk. I was going from room to room trying to find someone so I could get laid, when I saw HER. She was so beautiful. Short blonde hair, brown eyes. wow, perfect boobs. She was so awesome. I could see her g-string on her pants. And, she just looked at me. I could hear her breasts saying: "Fuck me! Fuck me!" I couldn't resist. You know, I am sorry sir, but if I were a woman, I wouldn't dress like that. She was silently asking me to do her, you know. Anyway, she was staring at me the whole time. I could see that she was the kind of girl who likes to play games, you know? One of those who just says no to turn men on. Nice little bitch. I am sorry, sir. I know, I know I shouldn't say that. But she was. I must be lost in my own memories. Anyway, the rest of the story, I am sure that you already know. she seduced me and I went crazy. I couldn't control myself, and before I knew it my penis was inside her vagina. No, sir. I am not a bad person. Bad things happened to unlucky people, and I am just an unlucky one. (Jason is so lost in his thoughts that he totally ignores the officer) a unlucky one who happened to meet a crazy ass blonde. I remember she did enjoy it, yes she did. she screamed so loud. Nice little bitch. The next morning, my life was over. She turned me in saying that I had date raped her. Excuse Me, it wasn't even a date. Now, I know I was a little forceful but that was it. Nothing else. No one freakin' cared about MY story when I got arrested. I didn't even get a chance to speak. One day I was Jason, the next day I was a monster. No one could see me in any other way. I was just a rapist to then. That was the thing that annoyed me the most you know. Excuse me but I am a human being, and just because I made one mistake, just one, I was trapped. I was a nobody in society. I didn't have any feelings or emotions. I don't know if you know this, but people do make mistakes, you know, and that was my mistake. I don't want your pity or anything. No one is perfect, and my only mistake in life was to have sex with the wrong girl. After that night I was not Jason anymore, but just a dirty-rotten son of a bitch. and NO, I am not done. Do you get it? I am sorry mom if I didn't turn out to be the perfect son. but I have a penis, and sometimes I have to use it. Hum, what are you talking about it? I have paid my debt to society. Yes sir, I have.For God's sake, I am a Born Again. what else do you need? What else can you do with me? I can't stand this life anymore. I am done. Jesus loves me. (Jason gets crazier) Save me Lord. Jesus loves me. Yes, he does. What do you mean I can go back in? I don't want to. I am not done. Can you hear me? I am a Born Again. CHRISTIAN. C'mon Jesus come and save me. I love you, and you must love me. No, shut up. You are not calling the guards. I am NOT done sir. I said NO! Come Jesus. come and save me. Little bitch. You see. I will kill you. (Jason tears up the cardboard, falls on his knees as if a spirit is possessing him) Yes, Jesus loves me. he must. and, I am done here. Yes, yes I am. My life is over, and you little white piece of trash just wait and see. Soon your life will be over too. Jesus, come, come and get me! I don't have anything else to loose. I have lost everything. Lost everything even Golden Showers! Golden Showers, where are you? Come Jesus, I am here. (black out) Please, come!

 

 

Into the Woods

 

It is dark, cold, and scary.
I am in the middle of the woods
Trying to find the merrier of life
That I have been looking forward since
I left.

I can't go back!
I still carry the rope that could bring me back from where I started.
I am starving.
My worst nightmares come and go
In wild hallucinations fornicating
And polluting my mind.
I can't loose right now!
It's almost 3:30 a.m., and the sunrise is coming.

A new day must begin.

 

 

Dr. Tom Bosh

(The action takes place at Dr. Tom's office. Tom is sitting by his desk writing a good bye letter to his parents. In the background, Adagio by Albinoni and Canon by Pachebel plays. The song is almost a form of escape for Tom. It plays over and over throughout the scene. Tom's conscience voice almost overlaps with Tom's voice. A few diplomas from Harvard, Yale and Oxford on the wall compose the set. Also, the set should be simple but very hip at the same time. The audience can see a revolver by the desk. In society's eyes, Tom is not a loser. He is young and successful. Tom is a joy for any single parent and an ideal husband for any woman who is looking for love and friendship. The scene begins with the song playing in the background. Tom has a blank stare on his face. He looks for hope in a place that he can't find. He takes his time to write the letter).

V.O: C'mon Tom. Stop being a sissy and just write the letter. Man, what else can you loose? You've lost everything. now, it is the time.

Tom: Dear Mom and Dad, I don't know how to start this letter.

V.O: There we go. At least we have a start. C'mon Tom just write something stupid like: "I leave life so that I can stay in History." You can do it Tom. Just write the damn letter so we can finish up this business. I am tired. I am so fucking tired of hearing you complain. Finish this letter, and finish your life. You will not be missing anything Tom. Anything.

Tom: Dear Mom and Dad, I don't know what to write but I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. Life has been hard, really hard, and I just don't know how to deal with it. Nobody appreciates my work and it seems like I don't have anyone.

V.O: Shut the fuck up, you loser. Loser! Loser! Loser! Of course you have friends and people who love you. Just fuckin' accept that you are not a genius and that you are just a simple mortal. Why do you want to be a genius, Tom? Why? Why do you want to be a part of history? Tom, you are a loser, and NO, life has NOT be hard. You are the one who makes life harder. C'mon, write that in the letter. Be a fucking man, and just accept that you are no one special. You are just a number, a number I tell ya.

Tom: So, mom and dad please don't take this too hard. I just feel like that it's not worth it anymore. I can picture you Mom, reading this letter and yelling: "Why? Where did I go wrong? My son, my son is now going to hell." Mom, don't worry. You didn't make any mistakes. The mistakes were all mine, and it's better that I go to hell rather than living a life that's not worth living. Mom, I love you, and I will miss you a lot, but I can't live any longer with this terrible pain that consumes my soul.

V.O: Fuck, Tom. Byron would be jealous. Cut the crap and just sign the fucking letter. Tell your parents that your problem dealt with not getting laid. Remember, Tom? I know, I know it fuckin' hurts. All those times that you were stood up. All those times that you got your hopes up and she never called you. I hope you remember, because I do. I do. I do. Tom, you are a fuckin' doctor now. Just accept the fact that you are a loser, a geek who never got the chance to be somebody. C'mon Tom, kill yourself.

Tom: Mom, although I have been really happy with my career, it wasn't enough. I know, I know that I sound a little confused, but I just don't know how to put my thoughts into this letter for you and dad. It's not worth it. Who cares what I did in my life? Who cares if I got my BA at Yale, my Master's at Harvard and my Ph.D. at Oxford? No one, mom.

V.O: You unthankful son of a bitch. So many people wanting education, and here you are just ready to kill yourself. C'mon Tom, write that it wasn't worth it. Write that you would give up everything just to have one day of true happiness. You unthankful son of a bitch! You deserve to die. LOSER.

Tom: Anyway, mom and dad, here I am ready to go to a place were I hope to find someone to connect with. It has been so hard. living this life, alone, by myself. with the feeling that no one cares. I know you guys care, but it's not enough. I need more. I need someone to connect with.

V.O: Kid, you need to get laid. That's it. Just get a hooker and fuck her. Pussy boy. find a pussy, and you will be okay.

Tom: And mom and dad, sex is not the problem. I am aware that some critics are saying that my work only talks about sex. But, it doesn't. Sex is not my problem. I am just seeking for love. seeking for someone who can understand me. Someone who I can go to a park and see a sunset. Someone who I could spend a night with talking about a particular episode of "The Wonder Years," for example. Is that too much to ask for? Lately, I have been going out to bars, just to observe the people, and when I get home I think to myself: "Why can't I have someone to love? Why have I been cursed?" I need love. Mom and dad your son needs love. Not yours, because I know that I have that kind. But, a different kind of love. A love that would feed my soul and make me happy.

V.O.: Corny bastard! Dude, get a grip! You are a freaking psycho who no one will ever understand. No one cares for you. You don't have anyone. You don't even know who you are. Tom, you were not meant to be born. You totally deserve to die because you never, ever seized your life. Finish this fuckin' letter and your business on earth. Seriously, why are you writing this letter? Is it worth trying? Once a loser, always a loser. Tom, it is time.

Tom: I got to go soon. but I don't want to leave without saying that I didn't have any other options. Dad, what would you do if you were in my place? C'mon. just tell me. you would do the same thing. Anyone would do the same thing. My life is not worth living. I am just trapped in the society that I live in. Trapped with all my diplomas, my latte card from Starbucks and my Ikea furniture. I can't handle it anymore. Sometimes I just wish that I would die. I would die a very dramatic death. A death that would be in every newspaper in the country. after I thought this I realized that this is not the way things work. see Princess Di for example.

V.O.: Oh, no! Please, erase that from the letter. Now your parents will think that you are totally a faggot ass bitch. No Princess Di in your suicidal letter. Please, Tom. Just die like a man. Tear up the letter and write a note. Just be a real man! Get a post-it, and write: "Mom and Dad. Love you both. XOXO. Tom" That would be a man thing. "Trapped in society???" What kind of shit is that? Dude, I am almost giving up. No wonder you don't have anybody. Even if I'm tired of this crap, can you imagine your parents? Your funeral is going to be funny. Just mom and dad showing up. That's funny. Loser.

Tom: In conclusion, dear mom and dad. I leave this world as someone who was never capable of truly living. someone who couldn't make any choices.

V.O: Dude, what kind of shit is that? "Choices?" So, who made the choice for you to go to Europe? Your mom? Hell no. C'mon. Tear up the fuckin' letter, and write a note. They won't care. You will be dead anyway. Loser. Loser. Loser. Tom: I love you and I always will. Sincerely, Tom. (Tom looks at the letter as the music gets louder and louder. The music is so intense and loud that the audience should feel uncomfortable to be there. Tom looks at the letter. He folds it. He stands up, and gets an envelope. Sits down again, and seals the letter. He gets the gun. music gets louder.. He puts the gun to his head and stays there for a minute. He puts the gun down. Music gets louder. Tom tears up the letter and writes a note on the post-it. Gets the gun. Black out)

 

Americo and Ricky Mastro